The 5 People You Meet in HELL

Stop being so optimistic! You think you’re going to heaven? You're never going one person in heaven, let alone five. So let's be realistic and think about some of the many folks you'll meet in HELL!

1. Mother Theresa - Yep. Sure, she took care of the poor and all that, but you didn't know about her lack of honoring her father and mother. They wanted her to be a homemaker. Bummer!
2. Satan – His favorite torture is to show you pictures of the five people you would have met in heaven or read from any Mitch Albom book, Torture!
3. Paris Hilton – minus her sex organs and charm!
4. Robin Williams – In full Patch Adams mode. Apocalypse Now!
5. A guy who likes to high-five all the time - One of his favorite things to high-five for is the fact that he just got you to high-five him. High-five! Like a spazzy version of Sisyphus!

--[Notably not present...Hitler. Ask anyone who would be a shoe in for a hell bound dude, and they'd say Hitler. Well, he's not there. Between the moment he pulled the trigger and when the bullet hit his brain, he genuinely repented! He was a quick thinker. Crazy huh?!]

The Following Things Will Make One Impotent

Roman Polanski's "The Pianist"
and/or
One Bottle of Glen Fiddich
and/or
Lover/Girlfriend talking to your flaccid penis in a baby voice, "What's wong wittle guy?"

Startling Research on Repeat Drug Use

Many people know that using Ecstasy more than 4 times permanently alters your brain chemistry, but until recently it wasn’t known what those effects are. A new study from Cambrij University revealed the extent to the brain damage with various chemicals.

Using Marijuana:

Marijuana actually fills in voids in sparse talentless creations, such as music and movies!

4X Cheech and Chong Movies will appear hilarious.
6X Sublime will sound good
8X The Big Lebowsky will be your favorite movie
16X The Grateful Dead Bear will be your best friend
32X Your G.E.D. will be the equivalent of a high school diploma.
64X Bob Marley will seem pretty deep man. No woman don’t cry!

Ecstasy:

Ecstasy affects your visual and aural contacts in the following ways:

1X Glow sticks!
2X XTC will no longer sound Like Ecstasy
4X You’ll spell Ecstasy like: Exstacy.
8X You’ll break up with Stacy

Cocaine:

It is well know that cocaine boosts ones self-confidence, but that can have it’s downside too.

1X Jaguars are awesome
2X A blowjob in your Jag will be amazing.
4X Doing blow off the hooker’s back while getting a BJ in your Jag will RULE!
8X My jag cut through that guard rail like butter and can now fly!
16X Ah, I’m being attacked by a Jaguar! Not the car, but the angry cat!

Alcohol

Sure it is very common and legal, but Alcohol has significant effect upon your brain’s chemistry as well.

4X A cigarette sounds pretty good
16X You’ll drool thinking about the delicious taste of Whisky
128X You’ll find it very interesting and delicious that your wine reminds you of Oak!
256X Crystal Meth sounds like a good idea.

Crystal Meth:

A very serious drug that has terrible consequences.

1X Happy Happy
10X Your brain will invert the number of years you have physically aged, so while to others you’ll appear 16, to others you look 64.

Crack

1X I love crack
4X I’m a ghost
5X Rip Taylor is so F’in Funny!