Extreme Makeover: Poem Edition

BEFORE:

The candle
so brave at night
alone in the daylight

AFTER:

The candle!
so brave at night!
alone in the daylight!

Porn Plots That I Got Cold Feet Halfway Through Imagining.

1. Delivery man comes to house of sorority sisters with extra-sausage pizza. It's apparently the wrong address, so he leaves.

2. Sexy bikini gal asks volleyball stud to rub suntan lotion on her back. He says he is allergic to coconut oil, and apologizes.

3. Two girls at camp get cold and decide that body heat will keep them warm. The next day, the camp director finds two girls dead form hypothermia.

4. Hot nurse comes in to give injured soldier a sponge bath. He continually cries from post traumatic stress disorder.

5. Lonely housewife asks plumber what he knows about pipes. He goes on for a couple hours, telling her everything there is to know about pipes, from galvanized to PVC.

Clever Halloween Costumes I've Thought of Too Late

1. Dress up as a dapper man from the 20's, holding a camera and taking pictures. (F-Stop Fitzgerald).

2. Wear a coat with drawings on it of the Last Supper, the Mona Lisa, the Vitruvian Man, etc. (The Da Vinci Coat).

3. Really lame man in suit of armor. (Knights in Rodanthiny).

4. Drunken murderer. (Ted Kennedy).

5. Ghost in a sheet.

6. With a friend in the same costume, a young girl dressed up as a slutty beauty queen. (Jean Benet Ramses the 2nd).