Krazy John D's New Energy Line

Local aspiring entrepreneur Krazy John D is releasing a line of products with the energizing amino acid taurine. The market has been flooded with taurine based energy drinks over the years, however according to Krazy John D, "there are so many other ways to get taurine other than drinks." One product includes hand sanitizer with taurine. "Not using my products is like wasting energy, and everyone cares about energy and stuff." Krazy John D has not found a distributor thus far, but plans to be giving his products away at promotional events around the holidays. Perhaps this is just the thing to get us through the holiday season.

Dad's Good Intentions

Warning: New Terrorist Threats (Although Not Top Priority Threats).

There are reports of terrorists plotting within our major cities. Most people are aware of the audio based alerts at crosswalks telling the visually impaired where and when it is safe to cross the street. Terrorists are buying up mocking birds and will soon be releasing them near the crosswalks. The birds will likely learn the chirping sounds of the crosswalk, and relay these beeps at inopportune times. These counterfeit beeps will send blind people into the streets causing accidents and major chaos. We cannot let the terrorists win.